The late-nights at Starbucks are always a recipe for high drama. Late nights at fast food places are always a recipe for drama in general, because the staff wants to be able to close up the second the clock hits whatever magic hour is closing time, while the customers expect a full menu available at whatever time they walk in the door.
Starbucks is no different. The delivery truck apparently didn't run Saturday morning - so there were few pastries, no sandwiches, no signature hot chocolate mix for the espresso truffle and worst of all - NO FRAPPUCCINO BASE.
They ran out at approximately 10:45 p.m. - I know, because I was sitting there typing and the shift supervisor was on the phone with someone confirming that the truck was due first thing in the morning.
The action was pretty dead by then - most of the downtown action in this city rolls up by 11 p.m. anyway - so it wasn't like denying people their frappuccinos for 75 minutes was going to kill anyone. Except, apparently, it was.
The downtown Starbucks closes at midnight on Fridays and Saturdays. At 11:42 p.m., a wide-eyed and frantic twentysomething flew in wearing pajama pants and a dirty T-shirt that had seen better days during the Clinton presidency. She had a faux Louis Vuitton pocketbook and one of those keychains that was nothing but a bunch of memento keyrings chained together and looked like it weighed about three pounds.
Fake Louis tore into the Starbucks and starts gasping for breath, because at a her size, walking a few feet is a chore.
Fake Louis Vuitton: "Ohmigod. Please tell me you guys are still open."
Barista: "You're here. The door's open. The lights are on. What do you want?" The shift supervisor of this Starbucks is young, sort of ghetto and very cool.
Fake Louis Vuitton: "OHMYGODIMSOGLADIMADEIT." Breathe honey, breathe.
Barista: "What can I get for you ma'am?"
Fake Louis Vuitton: "I need two chocolate chip frappuccinos and two black and white frappuccinos." Yes, yes, yes. Someone actually ordered a black and white frappuccino.
Barista: "I'm sorry. We're out of frappuccino."
Barista: "I'm really sorry. We didn't get a delivery today. Can we make you an iced coffee or an iced mocha? We can do just about anything else, but we don't have frappuccinos."
Fake Louis Vuitton: "Well, we want frappuccinos. Make it with something else."
Barista: "We don't have the special mix used in frappuccinos."
Fake Louis Vuitton: "Can you blend up some ice cubes and coffee?"
Barista: "That is iced coffee. It won't taste like frappuccino."
Fake Louis Vuitton: "Well why not? It is all coffee isn't it?"
Barista: "Not really. Frappuccino is a special drink."
Fake Louis Vuitton: "Well, where's a Starbucks that's open? I need a frappuccino."
Fake Louis Vuitton: "What about the drive-through on Pine Ridge?"
ME (because I jump in): "They closed at 11 p.m."
Fake Louis Vuitton: "Well, where is a Starbucks where I can get a frappuccino?"
ME (because I know more than the barista): "There's only one 24-hour Starbucks in two counties." And I tell her where it is. It is 31 miles north, in another county.
Fake Louis Vuitton: "Are you SERIOUS?"
Fake Louis Vuitton: Calls up her friend on the phone and starts screaming. "HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE ME? BECAUSE I'M NOT DRIVING UP TO FORT MYERS FOR SOME DAMN F****** FRAPPUCCINOS."
Barista: "I'm really sorry ma'am."
Fake Louis Vuitton: "What the hell kind of Starbucks is this that runs out of coffee?"
Fake Louis Vuitton: (on the phone, to her friends) "I TOLD YOU THEY SAID THEY'RE OUT!"
Fake Louis Vuitton: "Well, I don't know. There is nowhere else I can go. You're just going to have to wait."
Fake Louis Vuitton: "I'm never coming back to this Starbucks."