Please pick up your Starbucks trash

I met a friend for a late coffee and an early dinner today.

Our plans were slightly derailed by an unexpected thunderstorm that broke over our part of Florida. We've had nothing but pure, beautiful tropical sunshine since before Christmas, so to wake up to 60 degrees and cold, grey rain on Valentine's Day was a bummer.

Mother Nature wanted to remind those of us in Florida not to make (too much) fun of those Yankees shoveling snow…

Anyway. We were supposed to meet at the Starbucks at a local shopping mall. An outdoor mall.

When the second round of rains came at 3 pm, every other shopper and all the tourists decided that Starbucks was the place to be.

The closest I can describe it would be Black Friday in miniature. The line didn't just double back, it tripled back, then snaked along the wall near the high top bar and stools.

Barely space to move. At first, I wedged into line, resigned to just get a hot drink and find some sort of seat somewhere.

Then I saw a woman slowly packing up her purse.

On the off chance she was leaving, I got out of line and stood by the chair. When she left I sat right down.

At this point, right after I sat down, I heard a barista apologize. Apparently, the store only had one espresso machine working. The other one was broken. And a store FULL of customers.

The coffee line got longer and snaked out the door. People looked inside and left. People looked in the glass, pointed and left.

Next to me, an Italian couple searched on vain for a second empty chair. Finally, the husband sat down and the wife sat on his knees. This didn't last long because his knees were bony.

Two hours we were there. No chair was ever empty for more time than it took for someone to lay eyes on it and put a rear in the seat.

You know what shocked me though? Just how filthy the place was. I mean, how disgustingly dirty THE CUSTOMERS were.

Customers would just leave their old cups and plates on tables or the high bar. The next customers would push them over, then leave theirs.

Nobody threw anything away. Baristas came out three times to change the trash bags because it was overflowing, but made no effort to at least get the visible detritus in the room.

I guess I can't blame the baristas. They were overwhelmed by people waiting 10-15 minutes for drinks.

But the lazy slob customers who can't throw away an empty paper cup? Ought to have your Starbucks card revoked. Drink that Folgers stuff that comes out of a coffee maker. See how you like it.

Tights are not pants. Tights are not pants. Tights are not pants.

Tights are not pants.

Tights are not pants.

Tights are not pants.

Tights are not pants.

Tights are not pants.

Tights are not pants.

Tights are not pants.

Tights are not pants.

Tights are not pants.

You are a fully functioning adult of the age where you have not one, but TWO children.

Gray ribbed tights and a pink shirt that does not cover your ample behind are not enough items of clothing to be considered decent.

Just because it is covered does not mean we cannot see EVERY SINGLE CURVE OF YOUR GLUTEUS MAXIMUS.

My God Woman. The ribs in those tights could be mistaken for the skeleton on a killer whale. You could drive a semi through that weave. Seriously.

Tights are not pants.

Tights are not pants.

Tights are not pants.

This public service brought to you by the Eye Bleach Centers of America.

Homeless people at Starbucks

The Starbucks I frequent has acquired a regular homeless person. Some of you may remember him from the "toadslime007" adventure.

He has a name, but for these purposes, we are going to call him "Tony."

He's not really a bad homeless person, but he's not really a good one either. The baristas are mostly kind, but he has taken to pushing their generosity to ever-farther limits.

At first, it was the occasional free refill. Now, it is a free cup of coffee every day. And when he wants a refill, he brings the cup back in and thrusts it in the face of whichever barista happens to be behind the bar and just stands there. Not cool dude, not cool.

There's also what I call the "proximity" factor. He mistakes proximity for interest. Just because we all happen to be in the same space, we don't actually share a desire to communicate all the time. They have to work, I want to surf the Internet (or write). Or read.

And when "Tony" talks, it is …. Kind of insane.

Yesterday, he brought in an empty box that used to contain DVD glasses. He wanted to sell the box to the baristas. An empty box?  They were trying to explain his logic to me - and none of us ever got it. We think he may have been telling them to go try and return it to a store or something.

So today I come in and he's parked out on the patio, smoking and "keeping watch" over the cars in the parking lot. I put my stuff down on the laptop bar and order my drink.

As I return to my computer, I notice that "Tony" has secured a newspaper. But not any newspaper. One in a bag.

Now, because I work there, I know where he got this one - right off someone's front lawn. See, newspaper arrive in little plastic bags when it is raining during the AM and carriers can't throw just the paper during their delivery. He swiped this one. We later discover that it is a Wall Street Journal, so it definitely came off somebody's lawn. Note the CVS bag with his belongings tied up next to it in the photo above!

So I go over to the baristas and say "We've got to talk about Tony." And I tell them that he swiped the paper.

They laugh - and tell me that I need a whole section of my blog devoted to "We've got to talk about Tony."

Does your Starbucks have a regular homeless person (or two?)