Lenovo laptop loons take over the world

Well, after two months, I finally finished my lengthy reporting project. I followed a local theater group as they rehearsed the musical "42nd Street;" I was there nearly every step of the way from casting to opening night - which was July 1. You can read the entire thing here: naplesnews.com/42

The best story - the one that took up two pages in the newspaper - is here:
http://www.naplesnews.com/news/2011/jun/29/42nd-street-naples-players-ensemble-costumes-dance/

During this time, I'd leave work around 6 p.m., hit the Starbucks for a raspberry passion tea lemonade and be at rehearsals by 7 p.m. - which lasted until 10 p.m. Starting in early June, rehearsals were six days a week from 7-11 p.m. The evenings I used to spend in Starbucks, I spent taking notes about tap dancing. Ask me what a chaine is ...

While I'm really happy with the work I did - I'm happy to return to worship at the altar of the green goddess. For one thing, the cast of characters keeps changing - and the craziness can put a bunch of actors to shame.

For instance - I'm trying not to stare at a woman with a Lenovo laptop and a stack of books perched at the table right across from me. She's a camper - and she didn't even have the grace to buy a drip coffee.

Let's break it down. Because it has been 35 days since my last post - and I know we're all waiting on tenterhooks for some good, juicy #sbuxdrama.

FACT: It is slightly rude to sit in every chair at every table before you decide which one is "right" for you. You are not a special fairy.

FACT: Buy something. Anything. Even a drip coffee. Don't just suck up the WiFi for free. It is rude.

FACT: Bringing IN bottled water and a gas station burrito is just tacky.

FACT: Please, Kali, wear a bra. I speak only for concern that your girls are bobbing around like a bit of cork in the Atlantic Ocean in the middle of a Category Five hurricane - and the pendulum action is liable to put an eye out if you get a bit more excited yelling into that phone.

FACT: Sunscreen might be a good idea too. Overindulge a bit did you on that curious Fourth of July holiday that marks our thumbing our nose at the Brits?

FACT: Do you really need three chairs to hold all your books and papers? Honestly, I think she's writing a thesis. There's a textbook open on one chair, a small portable scanner on another and a full stack of copies on a third. There's a full-size mouse (complete with cord) attached the computer and a micro SD card reader in a USB port. 

FACT: Moaning over the computer makes you look strange.

FACT: Moaning over the computer while screaming in some guttural language (perhaps German) into a cell phone brings to mind a mad scientist from a Bond movie.

FACT: Having the husband/boyfriend bring in MORE equipment from the car - two more bags, a math book and another computer only makes me think that you're trying to build a bomb using a college physics textbook and a Lenovo ThinkPad. Truthfully though, how evil can she be? Real super-villains use Apple products. Even Jeff Bridges used one to save the world in "Independence Day!"

FACT: The blender is making your bottle of Aquafina vibrate right off the table. God, I hate frappuccino blenders ....

FACT: Please stop changing your glasses every five minutes. Nothing you're looking at can require two different sets of lenses, plus a pair of prescription sunglasses. Nothing. Unless you're looking at dark matter, in which case we're all doomed.

FACT: They're gone. I turned around to get a cake pop - and they're gone. Husband/boyfriend was stealing the New York Times (you know how angry that makes me). Suddenly, as if they're on the run from the FBI, they're yanking cables out of everything, throwing it into bags and slamming laptops into sleeves and growling in German.

FACT: They're off. Into a beat-up old Jeep, crashing away into the night.

FACT: I hope she got her homework done.

Enjoy your Starbucks Drama!

Strangely enough, immediately after formatting this post, a troika of strange people came in - including a large woman who looked like a former East German swimmer, if you catch my drift. Now, I'm absolutely positive that this was just a wild coincidence, but I chuckled privately into my lemonade at the notion that the Lenovo loon really WAS a spy on the run ....