Like watching a pair of demented squirrels making love while eating an ear of corn

Sometimes, the comedy waltzes through the door wearing stripper heels, sweatpants with the word JUICY across the rear end and flashing a roll of thong dollazz with which to purchase a tall strawberries and creme frappuccino.

Other times, six-decade-old trouble limps through the side door on crutches, hits the just-mopped spot in front of the wall of coffee cups and pulls up just in time. Oh. So close.

I never specifically wish for ill will, but I was wondering if I might be a first-hand witness to a slip-and-fall lawsuit and wind up in a courtroom.

Alas, no. The gentleman - a dapper type clad in a red-striped shirt with white cuffs and black pants - perched in a chair. His much-younger companion - she of the stripper heels - picked her way delicately across the floor to purchase coffee and four Rocky Road Cake Pops.

I dismissed the incident. Daughter, niece, caretaker - whatever. Even if she was an escort, it was really none of my business. And I liked her shoes.

Until I looked up and they were feeding each other the Cake Pops.

I cannot begin to describe what this was like. It was not a "here, sample this" thing. 

It was a ritualistic, gnawing, snacking, munching that was almost orgiastic in nature. Cake Pops = sucking face = scary visuals.

They devoured the Rocky Road Cake Pop a bite at a time (I didn't know you could stretch a square inch of pastry for 20 minutes) - popping fallen marshmallows into each others lips with silly grins. Nibble. Nibble. Nibble. It was like watching a pair of demented squirrels making love while eating an ear of corn.

If they could have eaten the lollipop sticks - or each other - they would have.

They didn't care that anyone was watching - they didn't notice. All the world was a bedroom stage, the Starbucks was a bed and the Cake Pops merely an expression of their love. One barista went by on the way to get something out of the storeroom, stopped, did a double-take and they never stopped slurping.

I guess I should be glad it wasn't a pair of old people - then they might have to pass a pair of false teeth back and forth across the table along with the pastry.

Laissez les bons temps rouler. It was, after all, Fat Tuesday when this .... went down. And if they're knocking back two frappuccinos and four Cake Pops, it will be Fat Tuesday in more than name pretty soon.

Thank you again to all the Kindle subscribers and Facebook fans.

If you're so inclined, you can go online to the Starbucks Drama page on Amazon.com and leave a review http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0034KYYBE