Starbucks cafe breve and a side of cranky, please

This woman is being extremely difficult. If you have SPECIFIC directions on how you want your coffee made, as in *NOT TOO MUCH FOAM* - *JUST A LITTLE BIT OF MILK* - *A LITTLE BIT HOTTER* - *FOUR AND A HALF PACKETS OF SPLENDA* - then you need to stay home and make it yourself on your own espresso machine.

I'm sitting here watching this. This episode takes more than ten minutes as two baristas struggle to figure out exactly what this woman wants.

She's not rude. Exactly.

She's not overly mean. Exactly.

The baristas are not on edge. Exactly.

But no one is happy.

Exactly.

First off, the woman was a solidly-built, well-tanned type here on vacation from some South American country. She spoke passable English with an elegant Spanish accent.

She ordered a regular cappuccino and what was apparently her special, a cafe breve, only she neglected to tell the barista that she had a *particular* way of preparing it.

For the curious, as far as I know, a regular cafe breve is espresso, steamed half-and-half and milk foam. It is like a latte, just with half-and-half instead of milk.

Anyway. She wanted a cafe breve her way. And apparently mistook the Starbucks for the Burger King after she ordered. Baristas will happily make your drink however you want - you just need to tell them.

So, this woman *watched* the barista - a new one I haven't decided what to name - make the drink. She had to fetch a half-gallong jug of half-and-half out of the fridge, steam it and then scoop the milk foam. When the barista slid the drink across the bar, she got a scowl.

The woman opens the cup and slides it back.

"I don't want the foam. I only want the espresso and a little bit of milk."

O-kaaaaaaay.

So, the barista re-makes the drink and just pours in a little bit of cold milk.

Which does not meet with approval either. "No."

At no point in either of these drink makings - which she watched with all the intent of a test proctor - did she say one word "yea" or "nay." I think she just like to pass judgment.

At this point in the communications breakdown, another barista was summoned and they asked her to clarify *EXACTLY* what she wanted.

I'm sitting less than three feet from this, so I can hear the entire thing. "I want you to make a cafe breve, but I don't want foam and I only want a little splash of half-and-half."

The barista stared her down and asked "Do you want the milk hot?" "YES."

OK. Let the record show that eight minutes and two drinks later, what we're after is probably a tall no-foam cafe breve.

Which was duly made, lid duly removed, duly eyeballed like a cheap cubic zirconium and duly toted out the door.