Starbucks has "a little bit of a bean issue"

Please, my green apron gods, is it too much to ask for a minimum level of competence? I truly do understand that it isn't as simple as "making coffee." I worked at the House of Wal for three years and BELIEVE ME it is nothing as easy as "scan and bag." So help me god, I will never make fun of a cashier again.

But for the love of Cthulhu, if you've been slinging espresso for six months, you'd think you know how to put beans in the coffee-maker by now.

I go down to my regular Starbucks and get Tall Tina and Quiet Quinn, who I'm starting to wonder if he might not be "quiet" but "slow."

I hand over my personal cup - which he takes and rings up properly AND REMEMBERS THE PERSONAL CUP DISCOUNT - PRAISE BE, GLORY TO SHIVA ON HIGH.

Tall Tina is mopping out the bathrooms. Anything to get away from customers I guess. Although when I worked retail, I'd rather be on the register, because at least you were busy - and the idiot managers couldn't find some nasty "special projects" for you to do.

Anyway. I wander over to the handoff bar and start toying with the idea of buying one of these adorable stuffed Starbucks bears. They're like sooooo cute. And I look up and Quiet Quinn is banging on the lid of the big square espresso machines and standing on his little tippy-toes peering into the bean hoppers.

Picture a small, rotund, cherubic-faced child, balanced on a chair, reaching, straining, just getting the edge of his nose over the edge of the cookie jar. That's about what it looked like. Only this is a twenty-something with a full-time job and the responsibility of reliably dispensing your caffeine every morning.

He looks down at the hopper and looks up at me. He presses a few buttons and looks down at the hopper and looks up at me and asks "Are you in a hurry? There's a little bit of a bean issue here."

Let me repeat that.

"There's a little bit of a bean issue here."

Quiet Quinn, who I now recall from the "Who eats a frappuccino with a spoon?" adventure, had to go fetch Tall Tina and ask her "What do I do?"

She says, and I quote: "Pour some beans in the machine."

America. This is what our education system has wrought. I COULD HAVE TOLD HIM THAT.

Apparently, that wasn't broken down *enough* though, because she had to put down the mop, come over, wash her hands, cut open the bag of beans and pour them into the machine before he was able to successfully press the rest of the buttons and dispense my drink.


"There's a little bit of a bean issue here." That is my new catchphrase.