22 minutes - time between me and the next customer
2 - the number of ugly gray clogs the skinny and otherwise inoffensive middle-aged man is wearing.
15 - barista stockings hanging from the drop lights over the coffee bar. That's a lot of baristas
1 - minutes between him and the next customer, an Indian girl in a hurry who is going to clean out the cold case of orange juice
2 - baristas in this Starbucks
2 - baristas in this Starbucks who are complaining and want to go home early
3 - Starbucks beverages I have enjoyed today
1 - grande espresso chocolate truffle ($4.05)
1 - iced venti no whip mocha ($3.86)
1 - grande white chocolate mocha ($4.05)
$11.96 - the total amount I've spent on Starbucks today.
$1.39 - discounts I've enjoyed today, courtesy of my personal tumbler, and the Starbucks Gold card. Yes, thank you, glory to Cthulhu on high, the old lady barista remembered my discount this afternoon without me having to ask.
7 - minutes until the next customers, unattractive Yankee tourists, who are wearing matching red & green Christmas sweaters. He's bald and she's got doll hair.
3 - hospital armbands on the wrist of the freaky homeless guy
23 - other empty chairs in the Starbucks
1 - chair by me, where he chooses to sit and browse the newspaper
700 - warring odors emanating from him, including the indescribable smell of body odor bathed in a warm wash of garlic, with splashes of stinky feet, six-week-old milk, baby poo and rancid meat that's been left in a turned-off refrigerator in a locked house in the middle of a Louisiana summer for a month.
6 - minutes homeless guy stands by the condiment bar, secreting the packages, until the baristas chase him off
2 - minutes until more
20 - year age-difference between these two, and I pray that they are father/daughter, although the longer they're here, the more I doubt it. She is fidgeting with her short-shorts with a practiced hand.
3 - sizes too small, the shirt on this woman that just came in. I can see every seam on the
17 - minutes until the next customers come in, a moderately large middle-aged woman clutching a sunflower-embossed pocketbook like it holds the very secrets of life in it. It may. If it has a gold Amex card with a moderately large credit line, then I might have a moderately large number of purchase to make. PS: That venti hot chocolate with whip cream and sprinkles isn't helping your hips. Mine either, but hey, who's counting? After all, "Fat is a Feminist Issue." And they call her order, and she sits in the comfy chair reading the paper. I hope someone steals them.
3 - customers at once at 9:32 p.m. Any plans these baristas had to shove the customers out the door and run for their cars themselves has been derailed. I, however, shall leave.
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3 comments:
Awesome... I could actually see each customer as if I were sitting with you enjoying my Peppermint Mocha.
Thank you! That's the goal. We want to make you feel like part of the coffee-drinking, drama-bringing experience! :) Comments, questions and criticism always welcome. And feel free to point out any spelling mistakes!
You are just the funniest guy I know (without actually having met you), but hope to meet you soon. Merry, merry Christmas. Come see us at Lowdermilk Park tomorrow night (Sunset service). Bring your own chair and coffee.
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