This Week On Starbucks Drama: Oct. 12 - Oct. 15

• The incredibly insane creature that is the Mermaid Mumbler made her first re-appearance on these pages. She read the New York Times, she got a bag for one fruit and cheese tray, she got "hrrrumphed" by a cranky nurse in purple scrubs and then she left the Starbucks without her drinks. Yes. This little Mermaid Mumbler had none. Until she burst back through the door screaming "MY DRINKS, MY DRINKS!" "Da plane, da plane, da plane come boss." No just the ambulance and men in white coats to take you away!
  
  
• There was the lovely episode with Exercise Monkey. I still maintain that he shaves his arms. No one is that smooth all over. NO ONE. And he liked to play with the drawstring on his exercise shorts just a leeeeeeetle bit too much for my comfort. It definitely spoke of a fetish somewhere, for something. However, Exercise Monkey is probably still in complete denial of the fact that just because Starbucks is liquid, it isn't "fast food." Dude. LIQUID CRACK. And Tall Tina probably wants to brain him for making her recite the calorie counts of every drink combination they have.
  
  
• Oh. There was the adventure I've dubbed "Sugar-licious." Her: TEN PUMP VENTI CARAMEL LATTE; Him: SIX PUMP TALL AMERICANO; Howler Monkey: VENTI CHOCOLATE CHIP FRAPPUCCINO WITH EXTRA CHOCOLATE CHIPS. At 8:30 p.m. at night. Obviously, no one planned to sleep, especially giving a child that much sugar. I still believe it was some sort of dental experiment and they secretly hate their dentist and want to produce cavities.
  
  
• And finally, my encounter with the hell-beast WOACAs who spent nineteen hours debating the best place to take a photo INSIDE  A STARBUCKS at the top of their lungs. They cleared an entire Starbucks of everything except the baristas and a hood-rat with earphones in less time than it takes a fat girl to eat a donut. And then debated whether or not to go spend a penny in the loudest terms possible. Shiva save us all from the mind of the American tourist.