The siren of the seven seas sets sail without her drink!

Mermaid Mumbler is back again. She must work around her. She's a much of a habituee as I am, although she's always proclaiming to be in a terrible hurry - and always stopping to chat with the baristas or look at the same coffee mugs that were there yesterday and the day before.

Tonight, Mermaid Mumbler is wearing black stretch legging somethings and a bright pink top. This is an eye-searing pink - milk of magnesia pink - Shelby Eatonton Latcherie would call this color "blush," while most grown men would simply run.

Like I said, those hips are unmistakable. Plus, she lumbers. There's no other word for it - it is definitely a "lumber." And we're not talking wood here.

She comes in right behind a super-skinny executive type that's working late - or maybe just "working late" - I can't quite tell with the three-inch heels, although the  dress is fairly conservative. Maybe she's this town's version of Belle du Jour.

Back to the Mermaid Mumbler. She stares down at the pastry case, which I know from experience is picked over by 1 p.m. - by 8:30 p.m. - all you've got is egg salad and the next morning's granola.

I guess she's hungry. Maybe she works nights. Poor thing. Now I feel bad for her, having to make do with the sad contents of a picked-over Starbucks cold case. Yeah. We all got crosses to bear.

So she gets one of those fruit and cheese trays, which are healthy but like six bucks. and requests two drinks. And a bag. If you hear my rants on a regular basis, you know that I'm against useless Starbucks baggery. I mean, IT JUST HAS TO GO BACK OUT TO YOUR CAR. Yet, the Mermaid Mumbler gets a bag for one fruit and cheese plate.

So distracted by the thought of her new - AND SHINY, LOOK THE PRETTY PATTERNS - Starbucks bag, the Mermaid Mumbler picks up a New York Times and starts to read.

The Mermaid Mumbler forgets that she hasn't yet paid.

The Mermaid Mumbler is reminded that she hasn't yet paid by Tall Tina. Tall Tina takes the credit card. The Mermaid Mumbler scrabbles around in her purse for some unknown reason, as she doesn't tip or pay any extra cash. Always tip your barista. Always.

The Mermaid Mumbler gets her credit card back, picks up her incredibly wasteful sack that contains a single fruit and cheese platter and decides to read the New York Times that is sitting in a stand right beside the register.

The Mermaid Mumbler forgets that her hips are wider than most. The Mermaid Mumbler is blocking access to the register for a skinny woman in purple scrubs. On a side note, I am so happy that they decided to let nurses wear funky scrubs. It just makes hospitals more fun.

Purple scrubs gives one of those throat-clearing "HRRUMPHS" that could sandblast the hull of an oil tanker.  The Mermaid Mumbler leaps clear and decides to come hang out by me. I guess she just wanted me to get a good look at her pink and black ensemble.

The Mermaid Mumbler notices that there is a rack of "free" newspapers next to one of the comfy chairs. The Mermaid Mumbler goes "HUH" and helps herself to the exact same edition of the New York Times she WAS reading - except that this one goes into her Starbucks bag. Maybe she wanted a stock market quote? Or bird cage liner? I dunno.

Happy to have acquired a free New York Times, the Mermaid Mumbler heads out the door. She gets outside. Literally OUTSIDE - when I hear her burst back through the door going "MY DRINKS, MY DRINKS!"

Yes. Yes. Yes. The Mermaid Mumbler left without her drinks.

Which still weren't finished, as she'd ordered two frappuccinos. Which takes time.

The Mermaid Mumbler flies back to the drink handoff counter and camps there until her frappuccinos come out. Then she heads back out the door.

But not before stopping to examine the Starbucks Via display. Attention span of a gnat that woman. Attention span of a gnat.