Six minutes to Frappuccino®

Apparently, and I *did not* know this - despite my vast repertoire of Starbucks knowledge - until I started writing - that Frappuccino® is a registered trademark of the Starbucks company. Really, I should have known. But I had to Google Frappuccino® to figure out exactly how to spell it - and I wound up on the Wikipedia page - which claims that Frappuccino® is a registered trademark; of course, you can ALWAYS believe everything you read on Wikipedia....

Anywhozits.

I unplugged for most of the weekend; I just needed a break and made the decision to turn of the computer and phone for anything other than US Open news. I emerged from my self-imposed exile around 8 p.m. on Labor Day Monday with a ferocious need for an iced mocha and some #sbuxdrama.

I roll into my friendly neighborhood Starbucks and the place is dead, dead, dead. It is so dead that baristas have obviously resorted to cleaning, mopping even. The floor is spotless. The windows have been cleaned, every surface sparkles and there are a dozen ugly plastic flower arrangements jammed into some even uglier fake pumpkins with "MADE IN CHINA" stickers (I should have got photos) on the bottom to celebrate the arrival of Pumpkin Spice Latte scattered around the place. One more thing to take up space on the cramped tables, but I digress.

I get my usual, iced venti no-whip mocha and settle in to wait. Surely the Elder Gods won't disappoint me and my need for #sbuxdrama on this day?

I like the comfy chairs, and the baristas are bored enough to have taken over the music selections and are pumping out techno like the place is a disco. I'm perfectly happy, but the place is like a morgue. I even made a video - although the quality of video I can take from my BlackBerry is quite poor.

I'm about to call it a night and head home when my prayers are answered. A bored lot of teenagers roll in from somewhere and stand staring at the menu board like they've never been to a Starbucks before. Seriously. It is like they've never even been in a coffee shop, much less a Starbucks. And there are what? Something like 11,000 Starbucks stores in the country and 16,000 on the planet? And you've never run across a tall, grande or venti before?

So, the five of them stand there looking at the menu board. And looking. And looking. And looking. This goes on for a while. A good loooooong while.

Two middle-aged ladies come in and wait politely for them to make up their minds, then just cut right in front when it becomes obvious that the kids have no clue what they want. It isn't a debate over money either - that comes later - they're seriously pondering WHAT TO GET - like this is a matter of world peace, or if humanity will fall back into the Stone Age if they order a latte instead of a Frappuccino®.

The middle-aged duo orders and the barista on bar makes the coffees and gives them their pastries. I can hear the kid at the register thrumming his fingers on the counter and see him give the kids the "look." Three of them finally order - a grande Caramel Macchiatto®, a tall Frappuccino® and an iced mocha. That leaves two, a couple who are just *standing* there, sort of fiddling.

Frappuccino&#174, no Caramel Macchiatto® no Frappuccino&#174, no Caramel Macchiatto® and she finally settles on a tall Caramel Macchiatto®. He gets a regular mocha, but suddenly they don't have enough money, which results in a mad scramble for change from everyone digging in their pockets. Quarters, dimes and finally one girl whips out a purse and slaps a wad of bills on the counter. I think she just wanted to make them sweat.

The kids cut their eyes at me for taking up one of the comfy chairs - obviously they'd like to claim them - but I have no plans to move - I was here first, after all - even if they did provide the entertainment. So they settle in at a cafe table and proceed to yammer away for a while about inconsequentials. There's a lot of cell phone text messaging, even though they're all together. Kids these days. At least they're together and pursuing legal activities.

The drama quotient having dropped back to the nil level, I pack it up and depart, but not before getting one more mocha for the road!